i believe that sometimes, many times, we imagine God. and what i mean is this: when i was 7 years old and i had learned about God for the first time, i pictured him in my mind as one of those old asian emperor folk that you see on korean currency (pretty absurd, i know; i also thought that God and Mary were married... though i don't know what i made of Joseph). but it's silly to imagine God when he's not imaginary.
as a 7 year old, i had naturally assigned God to some form or image that worked for me. and though not as blatantly misleading, i feel that i still do this dangerous act of recklessly assigning God to things. i fit Him into a shape, boundaries that conveniently help me understand (or think i understand) who He is; or even just to make Him convenient altogether. i catch myself calling His name far too often in small moments of desperation, like when i'm frustrated about finding a job, or a parking spot, or when i know i'm speeding and don't want to get caught. it's so instantaneous, like how aladdin constantly called up genie as a last resort. but where is He when i'm busy spending time with my friends? when i'm sinning? do i still call Him then? it's like i want to choose when i'm with and not with God, forgetting that He dwells within me.
what's even worse than this childish habit, to me, is that i confuse my thoughts and beliefs with God's. christians seem far too clumsy with throwing God around to legitimize things like our political beliefs, our morals, our habits, our "christian biases" that can often translate as discrimination and/or ignorance. this isn't to say that God shouldn't influence our beliefs and morals - it's actually pretty important for us to try to mimic Christ. but is God controlling us, or are we trying to control God?
and this is one of those thoughts that i would hesitate to share, because it leads me to wonder about the realistic possibility that God can be a psychological security blanket for uncertainties and emptiness people feel in their heart. and this frightens me and shakes my faith, because i know many atheists are what they are because of thought processes such as this.
but this is why God is relational. if the Bible was simply a book of do's and don't's, all this thinking would've eaten me alive. if it wasn't a testimony of God's love, it wouldn't captivate us. and if i couldn't recall a single moment of intimate interaction with God, i would bend and break.
but to understand God's love... that it's impossible to understand. it actually makes more sense than the rules and guidelines we come up with.
